if i were keeping up with our going pace.
beckham and marley are 19 months apart.
23 months later, lincoln came along.
that means i should be giving birth to baby number four in less than 3 months.
crap.
there's a problem.
i am not pregnant.
i want another baby, but these 3 are maxing me out everyday.
as in, i don't know if i can get up and do it again the next day, and the next.
as in destroying me.
too dramatic?
and i know we could do it.
and we would make it work just like we have before.
right?
but is it doing a disservice to the other kids by adding more chaos?
does it seem like chaos to them?
it's a happy loving home.
meals, warm beds, clean clothes, family prayer. lots of love.
do they realize how tiny the house is, and how loud they all are?
and how loud i am?
i am scared!
the first time in our marriage that i didn't feel ready to have another one.
and i guess i am scared that is my answer.
that 3 is our number.
because i am not ready to be done with meeting that tiny, gooey new friend at the hospital.
that tiny, gooey, perfect spirit that has been waiting to come join our family.
that's the best.
see, i'm drooling now.
which is great.
but where would a baby fit into this beautiful mess?
if i think about it long enough,
the others will grow,
and maybe it won't be so insane.
or not.
just on my mind.
4 comments:
I hear ya! We are about the same pace as you...when we had three I was determined to take my birth control every single day and not miss. and i didn't miss ever, I know it because i was so religious about it... somehow it still didn't work and our beautiful Makynzie came along...23 months after number three. Even though she was not planned and I wanted to wait a little longer, just as you say, we make it work.
The house may not be totally clean like ever, but I think our kids are good friends because they are so close in age (when they are not fighting) and I am happy it worked out this way....even though the chaos still stresses me out and makes me cry. I know how you feel.
Jeanine, I don't comment much but I LOVE reading your posts.
Totally know what you mean here. It is probably time for me to have another one, too...seems like everyone whose youngest is the age of my youngest is pregnant. But I'm not ready yet, and it's just gonna have to wait...
LOVED THIS! Love your honest blog. I think the next baby will be your "happy place" for a long, long time b/c it'll be your baby and not the naughtiest or loudest...for awhile. Nope, the kids don't think it's chaos. It's home and happy!
--Cat
LOVED THIS! Love your honest blog. I think the next baby will be your "happy place" for a long, long time b/c it'll be your baby and not the naughtiest or loudest...for awhile. Nope, the kids don't think it's chaos. It's home and happy!
--Cat
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