What were the Gin Blossoms talking about?
I have been crafting this post internally for the last 3 days.
Not with any intention to write it,
but more to validate my feelings.
I don't enjoy this about myself.
It causes much angst and wasted emotion.
I function just fine, but all that jealousy really could be put to better use.
You know, channel my passion.
Which I hope is not jealousy,
but turns out it may be since I have been pretty worked up the last few weeks.
I will never misspell that word again by the way. JEALOUSY.
You know you have trouble with it too.
The real kicker was reading the
"addicted to Mormon mommy blogging" article.
This Woman was fascinated by the "shiny happy lives" of these stay at home moms.
I am Mormon.
I am a full time momma.
I blog.
But I sure as day knew she wasn't talking about me.
We know who she is talking about.
Those Uber perfect Mormon mommy bloggers.
The ones who's lives are happy and shiny.
You know how we know they are happy and shiny?
Because it say's so.
Look, it's right there.
It looks like a page out of the catalog that I would LOVE to be mine, but can't afford.
And it's all professional.
You know it's shiny and happy because the meals are PERFECT.
Even the dishes are perfect.
Even the aprons are perfect.
And the kids too.
They are perfect!
Vintage or Handmade clothing only please.
Perfect lighting.
Perfect house,
perfect Mormon mommy life.
Perfect if you ask me.
So, my question is,
if this is what Mormon mommy bloggers look like,
where can I sign up?
Do I need to take classes?
Is there a book?
Because the pictures look really great.
Shiny and Happy.
Perfect even.
And wow,
do I need some more money?
That looks really perfect.
Must be expensive.
And I'm saying this, because I'm jealous.
Because I'm a Mormon, and a mommy, and a blogger.
And my life isn't shiny and happy and perfect.
I love my husband, yes.
I love my kids, more than words.
I am grateful to be a mom.
But recently I am feeling that the life is being sucked out of me.
I am feeling like less of a person.
Because, if they are Mormon, and mommys and bloggers,
and their life looks shiny and happy all the time.
Perfect even,
what am I doing wrong?
And I am writing this not for you,
but for me.
Because I can't in my wildest dreams comprehend how life could be that shiny and happy all the time.
But in the world of Mormon mommys,
it looks that way.
And I am telling myself that something is missing.
That maybe,
just maybe,
if I knew photoshop really well,
and if I had money to buy a $700 lens for my awesome camera,
and if maybe I had lots of money,
or any talent in sewing, or crafting, or cooking,
that my life to would be shiny and happy and perfect.
Or at least I could make you think it was.
I could make you jealous of me.
to be continued...
5 comments:
Amen sister. I read that too.
But they never put pictures of the negative things on their blog (although if they did I'm sure the pictures of them cleaning up poop or vomit would be spectacularly perfect in their natural lighting).
Don't be jealous, just keep being you. I love your blog.
Blogging is often used as a Platform for bragging. If I posted it, then hey my life really looks good! It's certainly not as honest (or rather, inclusive) as a journal entry might be. a lot of this social networking is unhealthy. Are we letting our kids make designs in shaving cream just so we can take a picture of it and blog about what awesome mommies we are because we let creativity trump cleanliness?!!! I went thru exactly what you're going thru and I decided that blogging can be poisonous. If we are only comparing ourselves and everything we have and do, then it's time to say goodbye to blogging.
"...is what I think.". :)
Amen!
I used to feel this way too. Then I read this article:
http://www.mormontimes.com/article/1856/What-you-dont-see
And then this follow up blog by Noelle who is one of those seemingly perfect mormon mommy bloggers (with the exception that she's not a mommy yet):
http://dearlifefromnoelle.blogspot.com/2010/05/what-you-dont-see.html
Noelle's gorgeous, she lives in London with her handsome hubby, she's crafty and uber-stylish. Her middle name is DIY, and she has and does travel the world, all while working from the comforts of her home for her great job. There are times when I am jealous of her. But the advantage I have is that I know her. She is my cousin. I know she is self-conscious about her body. She and her husband have fights occasionally, too. I know it was EXTREMELY stressful for her to find her most gorgeous apartment that is now decorated to the 9's with all that natural light pouring in. etc. etc. She is a normal person. She is just like the rest of us with a few more crafts and projects to show off on her blog (who wouldn't be proud of reupholstering a chair with gorgeous fabric??).
We all have our different talents. We do what we can with the talents we are given and that's all you can do. Some are crafty, some stylish, some witty, some have clean houses. Some have all of these things. But even they aren't perfect, even if they do appear to be so.
I understand why people put only post positive things on their blogs. I do it too (mostly). Not that anyone would (or should) be jealous of my life, but I typically only blog the good things because 1) who wants to hear me whine about how hard my life is (especially when others have it much harder) and 2) it is an easy way for me to count my blessings. We really do have good lives. We all have our trials, but I think the problem comes when we compare ourselves to each other. When we compare it's usually an unfair matchup - we pit our worst qualities against their best. Of course we think we're losing!
This post is surprising to me because (admittedly) I kind of thought you were one of the a happy and shiny ones. Your kids are so cute, you always look good, makeup or not, you husband will watch RomComs with you just to be with you. And you helped me realize that sometimes chocolate cake for dinner is ok - it doesn't matter in the larger picture and you are still a great mom.
You have good things to say, and you are encouraging to others when you write. I am one of those encouraged. :)
Cheer up. Try reading back on all your positive blog posts and maybe you'll see how many happy and shiny things you have.
this was for me too. i've told you some of the things i don't post about. because they aren't for anyone else. i think a catch to blogging is that once it's out there, it's a little for someone else too. which is one of the best parts as well as worst. i love your blog. because i can read about things i am also experiencing. when you posted about not sweeping and mopping your floor my thought was, you need a dog. that's my secret. because my floor would be terrible without him. not that a dog licking up crumbs makes anything more sanitarty. i'm rambling. i hope i post enough difficult things as well as great. because i do have both.
and i do love a good ranting post.
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